Out Of My Mind

I just experienced a Supernova In my heart.
I pain that i cant bare.
Twisted in a ball on the floor.
Tears Flowing down my face.... Cant speak.
Damn this pain,
I don't want to feel a thing.
This isn't a pain that Makes me hate a person in the world. This is pain of over whelming happiness.
A pain that Brings tear but with a smile to end the course.
This is an explosion of Love.
I get up from the floor and walk to this amazing gift from god.
I tell Him" Thank you".......
" Thank you For being True And honest to my heart. Thank you For Giving me Pure Words. Thank you for holding me in the dark Nights. Thank You For Calling me your girl. And For Showing me a World that a girl will never let go."
I seal with a Kiss.
A kiss that hold That makes the world go slow-mo
The kiss that make us feel like weir Flying.... Flying back to love.......
My heart experience a Supernova
In pain?!
Yes
An Addicting pain that i will never want To leave.....
A pain that Brings a smile To my face...
It you.... The man of my dreams....
Thank you!

Conversion disorder

Conversion disorder
Rheumatoid arthritis
sjogren disorder

This is what i have in my life....
Not ganna lie it tough.
The past year been the hardest year,
Hospital. In and Out!
I thought i was going to die twice.
I thought i was never ganna walk ever again Three times.
I thought i was Crazy the hole year!
They couldnt explain my condision.
They kept telling me that " Its in my head"
I knew it wasn't.... But at the same time i though i was going crazy!

In march 09 I went in the hospital For two weeks with out walking. Numbness in both legs. I major head ache. And depression. I had thought Of killing My self.
I just didn't understand.
I had a very Trusting and helpful Doctor. Dr. Isreal. May be the only person that understood me and i Trusted.
She was my Angel through all this.
She wanted to make the decision To Put me a phyc ward.
Im not even ganna lie, I was so scared! Took my cell away, everything i owned.
I was going in there for depression.
To help face my fears.
While i was there i had to find out what triggers my bad thought and anger.
I was there for 5 days.
And i found out what was wrong.
The thing that triggered My bad thought and pain was the image and voice of my mother,
Isnt that crazy my own mother!
Every move i make i hear her voice. Or see her image in my mind yelling at me with her devious look like she always has.

When i came out the hospital. I felt like a newer person, because i knew what i had to do.
Just stayed away and clear my thoughts.
so i did... For A lil while.
Came back Home and my Thoughts came back!
No One Knows. Dont Plan to say anything.
Im trying To start My life.
Well Because arent On my Back 24/7 They cant see my moves of improvement,
well i really only have to do it for my self.
Im trying Im my way To fIx me.
But by Making me feel Worthless and Make me feel useless.
It just makes it worst and pushing me away.
So far that you wont even know where im at.
Out of state.
This will happen.
When it does the they will look at them selves and ask " what did i do"
Just watch..... Not now.
Im not ganna give up my life yet. I'm still ganna try and fix it Till my last breath! Just
this hate i have must go away.

Till i fix my self i will continue writing, Listening to my ipod, Laugh. Try to be happy!
Let pray for the best!
My one person that wont judge and understand as family is DJ...... Thank you. I love you!

Sticking To Me.......

I have taken My emotion and hidden them.
Ive done pretty well doing that...
One couldn't discover my mood.
I have hidden my true identity.
I be put into blame for not sharing my self.
I be put into guilt for keeping my self to my own heart
But really am i to be blamed?!

Once i open my golden gates to my heart, The man with a sword stabs my fragile heart...
How dare you!
Then asked for forgiveness.
Me as a fool; do so.....

Now a stand in front of this shaded mirror,
Seeing my struggled eyes.....
Telling my self in my mind that love will not open these golden gates,
No man will find the hidden treasure.
Could you blame me?!
" Sticking to me", i say....
"To me"....
I have changed my color to please.
I have changed my shape to be wanted....
I lost me.

To regain my thought... I will go back to my natural step of being me...
Me?
I am unique.
I have a smile that no one has.
I create words that my heart only speaks.
I have the look of a woman of hope.
Scars of strength.
Stars of faith.
This is me.

Now i Look at my self..... I see Me.
The eyes Full of Hope.
No fear.
The shade fades away...
I see my smile.
Then i see love.
I see this man standing beside me..I feel the power From his body.
My Mind goes back to sorrow thought!
Could i fear, Should commit my heart into the gambling of love.
Pursuit Of Happiness.... Chase!
This fear is here. The comfort too.
Should i gamble.
1,2,3....
Taking a breath
4,5,6
Exhale!
7,8,9
Looking up
10
I Love You!

To The Love of My life......

Damn How the years Passed me by......
I remember The first say we stepped out the Plane.
The first day we became new yorkerz,
You was holding my hand. My lil baby.
Your First day Pre-K.
First day you Did your Homework alone.
First Dy you learned how to clean your own ass...LMAO
Yeah the yearz passed me by....

Now your 15 yearz old and you a young man......
You Grown up to be Your own person
Dont take shit from No one...
You have Your own style
Your own mind
Your a honer student In high school
A great Friend
And Great eye For art!
Im so proud of you!


Your my best Friend...
I dont hide Nothing From you...
You dont judge me and you always kept it real To me....
I dont see you as my lil Brother.... I see you as my age, and that crazy! LOL.
But i love you with all my heart
I will do anything for you.
Just Promise me you will finish school and
You will never change....
Stick to this... You have the eye for art...
David Joel Flores Theirs only one of you.......

Starz Dust

Life is like a Roller coaster.
Then It Drops.
But why should i Scream For This is my Theme park!

Damn what can i say about my life...... Its not simple.
My moments of tearz happen a lot lately....

Love is the only thing keeping In faith....
Keeping on my toes.
I feel like I just seen the sun for the first time
He makes my life bright cause He shine
It's me and you baby, it's our time
I'm living my dream, cause He's mine
He got me skippin' down the street
And singin' love songs all out of key
I didn't smoke nothin' but I feel so high.
He's my new obsession,
I feel on top of the world with Him
I'm gonna rock his body all night
He makes me wanna sing.

Back on track... Just had to express my self~ Anywayz School is a bitch
Im trying to start back up in january But i cant because i owe them 800 buckz!
Then Im trying to find a way better job but theirs nothing out there.
uggggggggg
Im stressed! OD!
These Tearz wont stop....
This pain wont Go away!
My back Hurts
My knees are killing me because of the cold...Arthritis is a bitch!
I just want to cry and cry and cry....... I NEED A HUGE!!!!!!!!!

Hate Me.... Bitchez! HaH.....

" Im a lair. Im a thief. { Lmao}. I Dont do nothing with my
life { But i dont stay home all day and let my life pass me by}. I didnt pass my GED Exam { Wait i Finished High School, Class of 07 Thank You very Much}. I dont bar-tend
{ Hold On i had And have a job, Wait More Than one Job I had... Holy Shit i have a life} I dont go to college because i never passed my GED Exam { BMCC, Look it up its a school!!!! There actually school out there! lol}. Lynette You Not Doing Nothing With Your self... So lets Talk Shit about you and fuck Up your name For my own Entertainment Because i Dont have a life....... { Yes i do agree}

Hey My Name Is Maice Lynette Flores. And Im 21 years old. I work as A Dispatcher. I graduated high school { Pelham prep acadamy} All Senior Year i was in the hospital But STILL Graduated. { CLAPS For me} Pretty Proud of my self....... Had 5 job From the age of 16 Till Now.... Damn i have a life.... Crazy! I go To BMCC.... Start My Spring classes in January. Dont got Kids Dont do Drugz.... Yeah I drink.... Amen! Used To smoke Weed But stopped! I got money. Dont rely on The government to help me! Im smart...... I respect My mother and I actually help her. I dont talk back to her because THATS MY MOTHER! The women that gave birth to me..... I dont bring shit to her house because this is HER HOUSE!!!!!!!

I have Lupus.... Its painful and challenging. But it will never take over my life.
I have haterz. I have people talk shit about me for there entertainment because They have no life.
Want to get to know. I must trust you. Then Youll know the real Maice!!!!!!!!! Till Then
Just look at the picture!